hmm

Haven’t really felt any particular emotions for a while. It’s a bit like, I am aware of what’s happening, but maybe I don’t quite believe it? Examples include attending all of the graduation parties, and then of course the graduation ceremony itself, sitting in the plane before skydiving with Teagan (who definitely didn’t seem to be under the influence of this emotionlessness!), Christmas, and now booking plane tickets for Melbourne. It’s nothing too drastic – I can still function normally day-to-day, I don’t have problems interacting with people or anything. But for the ‘big deal’ things, they’re not being registered as big deals. I have a theory that it is my mind’s form of protection – these aren’t things that I have really been looking forward to, and can’t believe are actually happening.

The next ‘big deal’ will be my move. I’m hoping that this effect continues until and after then, because otherwise I’m going to end up alone in a new town with a whole lot of big deals finally hitting me.

A day five years in the making

Today was the day that my friends and I have spent the past five years working towards. Just about all that I can remember, the only part of the day when anything actually seemed real, was when I was standing on the side of the stage waiting for them to call my name, clapping all of my friends onto the stage to greet the chancellor and get their parchments.

IF21 2007 Grads

I can also remember that Lawrence and I might have spent a good half hour being pseudo friends, when he told me that his one extra 7 in maths got him the QUT Medal, while I had ruled myself out after that 6 in statistical inference in fourth year. Of course he wasn’t arrogant about it, but it set me up for a big surprise when we sat in our seats and he pointed to the name book and said ‘guess you got one too!’ Definitely a shock, when at the time I thought it must have been for my engineering degree component, given that the maths department had kindly phoned Lawrence to ask if he’d prefer to attend the maths ceremony later in the week, which I knew couldn’t possibly be feasible based on my GPA when you consider that I had 8 fewer subjects than straight engineering students. I even thought that they had my GPA wrong when they read it out, because it was higher than the one that I usually quote, but I realised after Lawrence got 7.0 read out that it is just our maths GPA which they didn’t specify.

The feeling, standing alone on the stage between the chancellor and vice chancellor, with the full crowd alive with applause after what the VC had read out, was really something that I think made the years worth it. Of course it was awkward, but it was good to have all of my engineering friends behind me, and I really felt like I deserved to be recognised as different to the hundreds behind me.

We met other engineering grads afterwards, which I imagine was probably the first time that electrical, aerospace, mechanical, medical and civil engineers hung out together. And perhaps I suspect, the last!

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